Just Your Run of The Mill Casanova
by Minato's Moustache
Summary: If getting slapped across the face on a regular basis is how girls say they like a boy, then Ash is the most popular boy in school. Boarding School AU.
1. Chapter 1

**I love Gakuen stories. WHY AM I STARTING A NEW ONE.**

**Name: Just Your Run of The Mill Casanova **

**Summary: If getting slapped across the face on a regular basis is how girls say they like a boy, then Ash is the most popular boy in school.** **Boarding School AU.**

**Warning: Swears, all up on my story! Ash being Ash. **

_**Does anyone even read my stories? **_

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><p>"-And I think you're really hot, Rachel."<p>

"Rashel." The frowning brunette corrected.

"Rashel, yeah, so, do you want to go out?" Ash smiled optimistically.

Only to get slapped in the face, for a girl, she hit hard and he found himself on the floor surrounded by copies of English textbooks and To Kill a Mockingbird.

"Get bent, Redfern," Rachel – Or was it Rashel? – snapped as she flounced away, her pony tale bobbing and her hockey stick clacking against the floor, "and learn to stop being a dick."

Ash leered as she left, his cheek burning and his ego slinking into defensive mode, _she's too muscled anyway, girls are meant to be soft. _

A book was digging into his back, so he made haste in standing up. As he tried to pick things up, he caught sight of himself in the window. No blazer, collar tugged up defiantly, his checked blue and white khakis hanging a little too low and hair that got him hauled in regularly, he was positive that he was the epitome of badass, and it didn't matter that he didn't know how to spell epitome.

He put the last book on the shelf and grabbed his bag, leaving to go find Quinn.

He didn't need, whatsherface, Rachel – no wait, Rashel? – Anyway. He didn't need anyone.

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><p>"Quinn, how do you do it?" Ash groaned into his rucksack as he half watched Quinn open his billionth Valentines card of the day. He laughed softly at the cute message in one before putting it to the side and opening another. Being the King of the school would make any man cocky, but Quinn, even if everyone wanted him, seemed to stay both single and nice at the same time.<p>

"How do I do what? Have the entire female populace desperately love my sexy ass?"

Or at least, that's what everyone thought.

"Yeah, that."

Not that Ash was complaining, Quinn's oversized ego much complimented his own.

"Well, if you just took the time and thought about the girl's feelin-"

"I don't have time!" Ash interrupted, "I have a libido, and you're only so popular because your dad runs this place." It didn't matter that aforementioned headmaster was also Ash's uncle, "Jeez, where's Jez with my icepack?"

"_step _dad."

"Doesn't excuse from the fact he's sleeping with your mother," Morgead interjected, earning dead leg sharpish and a headlock, "Okay, I give!"

Quinn, Ash and Morgead's haunt was the rooftop of the boarding school. Every lunch for the last three years without fail the trio sat there, more often than not they listened to Ash bitch about his love life, or lack of. Morgead was happily dating some biker from his tech class, commonly known as "that crazy ginger bitch" or Jez to friends and family. Quinn, the second memory of their awesome trio was the victim (Ash would say the opposite) of NWS's oestrogen brigade.

Understandably, Ash felt left out.

"Here's food for thought," Morgead said around a mouthful of baguette – the man ate like a surprisingly slender horse, "date Mare."

Mary Lynette was Ash's chemistry partner – like the class, not soulmates, that'd be cliché and weird.

"We've been friends forever, it'd be creepy."

Also, they'd been friends since they were five.

"I mean, I fancy her – not like that, I mean, I don't fancy her, but I can see why someone would find her attractive and," he trailed off, pausing before finishing, "and I've seen her naked, so."

"Seen who naked, your Grandma?" Jez asked as she came through the roof door.

"Thank you for that, Jezebel, thank you so much, I hate you." Ash glowered. She flung the icepack at his face hard enough to bruise and stop his glowering – _girls and being bitches these days, eh –_ and settled down besides Morgead, stealing some of his baguette, "Rashel told me all about your _escapades, _Redfern, don't try it. She's like, a ninja on steroids."

Trust Morgead to date the best friend of the girl trying to shatter his already fragile ego.

Ash scowled, leaning against the green safety rails and pressing the icepack into his face. He unpackaged his cooking chocolate with one, deft hand – _the ladies don't know what they're missing, _and bit into it. He was eating cooking chocolate because he spent all his tuck money on cigarettes and laces for his doc martins, so he was down to stealing from the kitchens.

He sat on in silence as Jez and Morgead necked – _fucking horny teenagers, man – _and Quinn smiled at his valentines' cards and ate Lindor chocolate. _God save me from this horrible fate of being single and lonely that has over taken me. _For a second, there was no reply, and then his sub conscious said _people are dying of horrible things, Ash, belt up. _

Then the bell ran and he was saved from his own mind bitching and moaning. The trio, plus Jez, started collecting their things and Ash stood, walking towards the door and his English class.

* * *

><p>"Ash, this is Mary Lynette," his mother smiled down at him as she introduced the quiet infant, "Play nice, okay? Mama's got to take care of some things."<p>

Ash looked up at the girl from his place in the sand pit.

He didn't like her and told her to go away, but she sat down defiantly and stayed quiet as she helped him built a sand castle.

As Ash would learn there were a lot of times he'd tell Mary Lynette to go away and she'd stay. Most noticeably when he was 12 and his mother had died in a car crash. He'd told Mare to go away then, but she stayed there as he silently cried.

He'd also learn that she wasn't prone to silence, and would beat him into submission on a regular basis, and that she loved count chocula and music.

When he was 7, he'd sleep at her house and see her gazing wistfully out of the window at the stars, and the next day he'd take the bus to town – all on his own – and buy her a book on star gazing, one she would carry with her for years. That's when Ash learnt she loved the night.

When he was 14, he'd realize how much she treasured him by the hurt look on her face when he told her he was sitting with that guy Quinn at lunch instead of her and that she should shove off, that was the first time he told her to go away and she actually did.

Then, when they were 17, they'd end up partners in Science class, much to her dismay, as she now despised him as much as the rest of the female populace had for years, he'd be laid back about it, all _okay, nice to see you, babe 'nd all, but them __**glasses**_ and she'd do the work whilst he stared at whatever girl it was that month.

Then she'd go home and cry to her step mother about how Ash was talking to her again but not _really _talking because he was being a douche and she loved him so much – but not in that was, _she thinks , _- and life is so confusing and hard and-.

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><p>Ash stared up at his ceiling that night, looking at the posters and letters he put up there, tracing the faces and words. His dash read 3am, so he grabbed his phone and scrolled through his numbers until he found hers and sends her a text.<p>

Me, 3:01: Hey.

Mare, 3:27: Fuck off.

He smirked, ignoring the twang in his chest, and then he locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket, hearing Quinn turn in his sleep and yawn, his light snoring ceasing for a second before he groaned, turned over again, and carried on.

Personally, Ash blamed his insomnia on having a roommate that snored like a pig.

His phone vibrated, and he pulled it out of his pocket and checked it.

Morgy, 3:30: Food for thought, Casanova. ;)

Having Casanova as your nickname sucks when you can't get laid.

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><p><em>We break ourselves down, and build ourself up for dissapointment,<em>

_How fragile we are, so fragile we are we just don't show it._

_We'll shake up this town, and shoot down the stars for our enjoyment, _

_So sexy we are, so sexy we are we just don't know it. _

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><p><strong>I'm not ashamed of this. <strong>

**Angst, angst everywhere. **

**Also, NWS stands for Night World School, and the oestrogen brigade is inspired by all the fangirlism I see for Mr Quinn, **tips hat to fandom** ladies and gentlemen. **

**Off now, review, if you please. **


	2. Chapter 2

**WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS AMY GIRL THAT REVIEWS MY WORK? WHO?**

**Regardless, keep on reviewing, kid. **

**Name: You Can't Just Ask Someone If They're a Lesbian, Ash. **

**Summary: Ash gets into some awkward situations and revels in his hatred of romance, Jez and Morgead play a rather creative game of golf.**

**Listening to: Say Anything.**

Note: Before FanFic can kick my arse; the lyrics last chapter were to Shoot Down The Stars by Gym Class Heroes.

**BN/ And so the next instalment of this epic story is here! Bad Touch Trio references EVERYWHERE, but it's cool. Anyways, on with le story xD Tina out.**

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><p>"Stop hitting on Rashel!" Jez yelled in Ash's face as she leant over him.<p>

"But I think she's coming around."

Jez drew her hand back and slapped him, "This is for your benefit, Redfern, trust me!"

Quinn popped up next to her and said, "Yeah, Ash, leave the romance to moi."

Morgead came up on Jez's other side, exclaiming, "I don't know what we're talking about, but, she's on the move!"

By 'she' they of course meant Mary Lynette. It was day one of Operation Rekindle-the-relationship-and-get-Ash-a-girlfriend-and-maybe-even-get-him-laid-but-no-guarentees A.K.A RRAGMEGHLBNG.

Yeah, they were still working on the title.

For the first time in years, they weren't eating on the roof. They were eating on a stone bench shadowed by trees out near the playing fields so they could watch Mary Lynette... eat lunch and study trig, apparently.

The girls at their school in their year and half were largely and generally divided into two groups: Nice, friendly girls capable of murder, and attractive girls capable of multiple murders.

Mare was part of the latter, they were sat under a large tree, watching the boys play football and eating their lunches; cheese strings and tuna sandwiches and the likes, girlie things.

"Hey Ash can I have your sandwich?" Jez asked digging through his bag.

"Yeah sure, it's tuna."

"Thanks. Oh you have a cheese string _awesome_."

"Yeah, Dad sends them in care packages."

Ash watched Thea Harman read out horoscopes – girls and bullshit, man –and Mare half listened, eating her apple and highlighting things in her books. Ash's gaze looked with Rashel's and her eyes narrowed. She made threatening motions and Ash quickly averted his gaze. _Creepy bitch. _

"I don't understand why we can't watch from the roof," Ash grumbled, pushing Jez off himself and grabbing his bag from her, "Rachel – shit, Rashel – can kill us from here."

"Rashel can kill us from anywhere with that gaze," Quinn smirked, "she's really pretty."

"Yeah, yeah," Ash waved his hand, "Hot, _oui, _I wouldn't classify that raw insanity as pretty, though."

Quinn frowned, "Oh, and also, because if we were on the roof we couldn't do this."

In an ultimate and rare case of coordination, Quinn grabbed his arms and Morgead grabbed his legs smoothly then before he could figure out what was going on they hefted him up and began to haul the swearing teenager towards the tree.

"Jez, hold fort!" Morgead yelled. She saluted, beginning to pick at Quinn's pasta pot and read her book.

Ash stopped swearing when they reached the girls, largely because they were all _glaring at him. _

"If looks could kill, man." Morgead whispered in his ear.

"Casanova here has something he'd like to say," Quinn said with his heart melting smile, "if you'd please listen."

"Guys, no, I'm no-"

"Mare, Ash wants you _bad._" Morgead said, pushing Ash with such force that he tripped and slammed right into her. Then he spun round and sprinted off back to Jez, who was in fits on the floor with laughter, pasta pot all over the place. They high fived.

"Hey Mare." He smiled.

"What?"

"Sorry, I was aiming for Keller." He fumbled for an excuse, and tried to pretend her knee wasn't digging into his thigh and it didn't hurt or anything.

"Boy," Keller said slowly, "Y'all in a whole mess of trouble."

Galen looked up momentarily from his notebook, saw Quinn and Ash and said, "Oh look, it's the trio of idiocy, where's Morgead?"

For the guy voted _most likely to save a pregnant dog from a burning building _he was an asshole to the trio. There were four of them these days, so it was like, a group, not a trio any more, much to Ash's dismay.

Ash looked back down to see Mary Lynette's eyes had narrowed to slits as she glared. Ash leapt off her and behind Quinn. Within seconds, his friend was defending him.

"Now, now, Ladies," he said nervously, "I know Ash is inappropriate and a bit of a douche, but look at that face, girls. Also, to beat the hell out of him, you have to go through me, and," they were slowly backing away, "who wants to do that?"

Luckily for Ash, the bell rang, effectively saving him from his fate. Unluckily for Quinn, Rashel took him up that offer. She was wielding a stick and stalking towards Quinn when Ash sidled off to his next class, English.

Ah, young and un appreciated love.

Its funny how Ash was fine on Quinn clearly liking her, he hadn't liked her much anyway, and when Quinn was your friend, you grew to accept these things.

The funny thing was how unrequited his crush was.

Across the field rang out the sounds of a man being viciously beaten by a girl with a pointy stick.

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><p><em>I try to count the stars tonight, as I look up at the sky, out of nowhere it appears, and I let go of all my fea-<em>

The headphones were wrenched from Ash's ears and he looked up to see the English Prof Mr. Jones glaring half heartedly at him.

"Redfern," he said quietly, "_try _to concentrate today, please."

The man had long since given up trying to tame Ash, if he wasn't so hopelessly infatuated with literature, he might stop attempting to get Ash to do work.

Ash decided to humour him and looked down at the page they were on.

Examining and comparing classic and modern literature: Romance. 

_Oh my god. _

_Is that even on the curriculum? _

_What? _

_Oh my god. _

Ash hated romance, the concept, the writing, the films, the... everything. His eyes flickered around the room with boredom, and eventually settled upon Mary Lynette, she was one row across and one row up, the desk nearest to the isle. If he got a ruler he could poke her.

Ash managed to convince himself that he spent the next 50 minutes staring at the back of her head because he wanted to copy off her, and not for some other reason.

After all, he hated romance.

Right?

_Right? _

* * *

><p>"Four!" Jez screamed, smashing the golf club into the concrete and sending the golf ball soaring over the safety rails and off into the distance.<p>

"Jez, what the hell?" Morgead exclaimed, confiscating her golf club, "that was my last golf ball."

She scowled apologetically, something only Jezebel was capable of, and went over to the safety rails to see where it landed, her fingers threading into the holes in the railing, Morgead did likewise.

Quinn winced as Ash dabbed at the cuts on his face with a TCP sodden cloth, there was also what looked like a hockey stick indentation in his shoulder. The sun was dragging itself down, sending orange and red streaks around it's domain the sky. A pleasant autumn chill was in the air, detracting from the heat of the day. The leaves were dancing off the trees, and all was peaceful at Redfern Academy, baby sitting service for the towns largest family and any other kids that could afford to pay.

"Quinn, why could you like someone that isn't going to kill you, like, Thea?"

There was a loud smash and Morgead exclaimed, "Shit!"

Ash and Quinn looked up to see Jez and Morgead looking panicked.

"Quinn, your dad's car isn't that one in the car park with the red is it?"

"If you mean the red convertible, yes, and _step _dad."

Jez and Morgead looked at each other, and then sprinted off down the stairs, yelling and swearing and just generally praying to whoever was out there that the sun roof would come down and they'd be able to get the golf ball without detection and detention and expulsion.

"We should probably go after them," Ash yawned, crumpling up the cloth and shoving it back into the med kit they blagged from the common room, "I mean, if it is Uncle Red's car."

"If its Hunter's car there is no way in _hell _we are going down there, I'm not taking the rep for that."

He had a point, I mean; the man was called _Hunter _for Christ sakes. He had a bokken in his living room and when Ash came to stay over when his sisters were being born the man had clearly pointed out that he knew how to use the thing and would use it if Ash got in his way. Of course, that was before trips to Uncle Red's house meant seeing John 'don't-call-me-john' Quinn's awesome room, the man had the entire 9th generation Doctor Who series on box set and batman action figures, get out, badass incarnate. However, the man still kept the bokken near him whenever Ash was around, a constant glare on his face. Funnily enough, Hunter _loved _his sisters.

The kind of, "you three can have 50 pounds for Christmas and Ash can have 20 pounds."

Ash looked back at Quinn's bruised face, and the soft smile it held, "Thea's boring and my step sisters are fucking creepy, so don't even _suggest._"

"You masochistic boy, you. She is hot, though."

They got up and watched the car park as Jez and Morgead sprinted across it and began doing a little panicky dance around the car before Jez wriggled in through the shattered windshield and got the golf ball. Morgead was just sliding her out when the alarm went off and someone yelled, "MY CAR?"

The rooftop was silent for a moment.

"They're so screwed."

* * *

><p><em>I just saw a shooting star, out the sunroof of my car,<em>

_Round the mountains, up the hills, I swear to god this view could kill,_

_And this black hole, this black hole, this black hole sucks me in._

_Joy – Temposhark_

* * *

><p><strong>Woah, it's three in the morning? <strong>

**Should **_**probably **_**go to bed, I'll post this in the morrow. **

**Authors Notes: I actually like Ash, poor fucker. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS~ **

**You have **_**no idea **_**how tempted I was to make Galen a chick, oh my **_**god. **_

**Also the theme is clearly stars when it comes to lyrics. **


	3. Chapter 3

**WHY AM I STILL WRITING THIS? I HAVE NINE BOOKS ON GOING AND FOUR FUCKING ESSAYS TO WRITE, GOD. **

**Mandatory shouting over.**

**This is turning into an actual story with side plots and romances, not just Ash being a douche. What even, I didn't know I had it in me. **

**Name: If looks could kill you'd be six feet under ten times over. **

**Summary: Ash finally gets lucky, kind of. Jez, Quinn, a very angry Rashel and Val decide to break Morgead out of hell and they rekindle their romance on a park bench. Jez and Morgead, that is, not all four of them. **

**Listening to: Broken Bride EP – Ludo. Easily the best rock opera I own, and I own a lot of rock operas. **

* * *

><p><em>I wanna take you home and start a family, <em>

_But all the stars in Texas ain't got nothing on your eyes,_

_When you say:_

"_Let's hit 'em one more time!" _

* * *

><p>Rashel Jordan was well known as, like, the only girl in the entire school that didn't love Quinn is some form or another. Ash was <em>positive <em>that she was a lesbian, but as a great woman – Jez whilst wielding a baseball bat – once said: "You can't just call someone a lesbian, Ash."

And now her reputation as both the only girl in school to not love Quinn in some form or the other and a lesbian were in danger of being disproven. By Ash, of all people.

Not quite yet, though.

"Hey, Mare, have a good half term?"

Ash slid into his seat next to her, due to seat changes and the dates of their births, they were both slammed into the back corner of history class with their teacher speaking in her thick polish accent about Vichy France. Nearer to the front, Quinn and Jez had their heads shoved together with Val in conspiring. How he wished he could join them.

"Yeah~" she drew out the 'yeah', sinking down into her chair and over lining her notes, "you?"

"Oh it was awesome, Me and Quinn went to the city for a few days and it was awesome."

"Quinn and I."

"What?" Ash frowned, watching the girl. She was staring him down with a blank expression, her eyes burning with challenge and spirit.

"You mean Quinn and I, how the hell are you in set one for English?"

"Whatever, lady. It probably has something to do with me being so amazing."

"So egotistical, you mean."

Ash smirked, "Babe, I know you can't handle this raw attractiveness, that's cool."

It's amazing how teachers can miss one of their male students being beaten to the ground with a binder when they don't _want _to see it. Anyway, everyone was positive a memo had been sent out to the teachers telling them that it's normal if a girl's beating him up for going too far. In fact, they'd probably be worried if the girl he was talking too wasn't about to punch him.

"What did you do over half term?" he asked when she finished beating him.

"Oh I spent a lot of time on the roof, it's the perfect time of the year for star gazing, late summer, you know."

Ash smiled and acted interested; Mary Lynette was pretty much the only girl he could have a conversation with besides Jez where the main goal wasn't making swaying his hips suggestively with an English rose in his mouth whilst jazz played in the background.

Not that that had ever happened, but imagine how cool it'd be. He quickly wrote on his hand _roses, apron _and _sexy. _Mary Lynette saw and looked confused.

"Sexual deviancy," he said, nodding his head casually in a '_you know me, babe,'_ way.

"I could show you, y'know, if you wanted to see."

"Oh, yeah, that'd be nice."

Ash put it to the back of his mind; there was a girl on the other side of the classroom called Bunny that seemed to desperately need his loving.

Grave mistake, boy.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Rashel!" Jez yelled, stopping under the tree with Quinn. It seemed to Ash that her constant volume was set on high. She slid down and sat next to a disgruntled Rashel whom of which was eating her way through a package of cheese and crackers. Quinn slid down next to them and stole a cracker, letting the dairy goodness overwhelm him.<p>

To the average person, a cheese and cracker would be nothing special, but Quinn _loved _cheese and crackers like a fierce passionate burning.

"What?" Rashel asked.

"Wanna help us break Morgead out of jail?"

"You mean the isolation block?"

"Yep!"

"Why didn't you get isolation anyway?" Rashel was suspicious, but seemed up for it, "but yeah, sure."

Jez tapped her nose in a symbol of 'don't ask, don't tell.'

"Thanks, Rashel," she hugged her and leapt up, "be ready at eight, we're gonna have a blast."

"We share a roo-" Jez ran back to the trio's spot, where Ash was amusing that Bunny girl with the way he made his cheese string look like a tree.

And then there was Quinn.

"You should probabl-" Rashel began, only to feel Quinn's arms wrap around her, him whisper a _thankyoupleasedon'tkillmeforthis _and then leap up and sprint off.

The scream that the girls made was enough to shatter like, everyone's ear drums, but Mary Lynette was unfazed.

Because Ash was sat with Bunny, after he'd agreed to go star gazing with her, he was _sitting with Bunny. _

Bitch was gonna get a frying pan to the face.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed in a haze of vague plot progression, bruises, and comedic, witty one liners until eventually the trio found themselves on the rooftop of the school.<p>

I say trio when really it was the trio plus Jez, and Morgead wasn't there, so it was the trio minus Morgead plus Jez plus Rashel plus Bunny plus a stern and ever silent Val. Jez tweaked her binoculars centred on the small building that housed the art students and the kids in isolation.

"Okay, he just texted me saying that we can come down now."

"I think I'm going to go home," Bunny yawned, her body pressed into Ash's side. Everyone looked around to see the look on Ash's face, only to fine it calm and laid back and he stared at the stars, "they shut the gates soon and I'm _tired_."

She got up and got her bag, quickly kissing Ash on the _fucking lips, guys! _And ran off home.

"How the hell did that happen?" Jez asked as she texted Morgead back.

"Long, _long _story," Ash said, "started two weeks ago roughly."

"You had that going on with Bunny and you still tried it on with me?" Rashel asked.

"It's his style," Quinn said quietly, only to receive no reply from Rashel; she was ignoring him due to enduring a day of _isn't he cute? Oh my gosh does he fancy you? Do you like him back? I'd do him! Are you going to have his babies? They'd be sooooo cuuutteeeee _and so on.

"Rashel you can't ignore me forever."

"You're right, I can't, but I'm gonna give it a damn good try."

"Ha!" He leapt up, "you totally just didn't ignore me!"

Ash barely paid any attention as they began releasing their sexual tension into a fight, he simply watched Val blow smoke rings languidly and flipped his phone around in his fingertips. He stood up, moaning at his stiff body as it cracked.

"Are we going?"

Jez spun around, a shine in her eyes as she threw the binoculars to Val and picked up her crowbar, "hell yeah!"

"Is there a cornetto in it for Ash dearest?" Ash purred as they all made their way down the stairs, Rashel and Quinn still muttering insults to each other and trying to trip each other.

"You're too fat as it is."

"Fuck you, Redfern."

"Which one?" Val chuckled, quickly followed by Rashel but not the other three because seriously, having the same last name as the majority of people in town got confusing as hell, especially in such a small town with only a few family names.

"All of us." Quinn muttered.

The five of them made their way across the road to the isolation block, pausing so that Ash could buy his cornetto from the corner shop.

"How do you guys get away with just wandering around campus and off it?"

"Quinn's dad runs the place; he's also coincidentally Ash's uncle and my cousin."

"_step_ dad," Quinn grimaced, "for Christ sake _step _dad."

To be fair, everyone could understand why Quinn didn't wish to be related to the man. Ash could understand intimately. They reached the fence and saw Morgead outside with a group of Art students conversing and sharing skins.

"Pssst, Morgead!" She hissed, "Get over here?"

He looked up with confusion on his face and upon seeing her jogged over with a smile on his face, "what're you doing here, Redfern?"

"We're just-" Ash began, before realizing it wasn't directed at him.

"We're here to bust you out!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ladies, you should well go read Divine Intervention. Ladies and Gents, if there are any here beside myself. <strong>

**Hey guys I'm just gonna go ahead and fess up to Ash being my favourite character in series. ****I'LL POST PART TWO TOMORROW. I have to go out and get molested by a 13 year old boy. I know, the sacrifices I make to get free chocolate.**

**Ciaoooo~**

**It's four in the morning, I might go reread Daughters of Darkness so I can characterize Mary Lynette correctly. SO TIRED.**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's actually spelt Mary Lynette, I swear, Fanfic told me so. **

**RL drama and Temple Run have been preventing words from getting into my head coherently, but no more! The long awaited (by me, at least) next chapter of Just Your Run Of The Mill Casanova. Damn Temple Run, damn reality.**

**Summary: Jez and Morgead have some fun on a park bench, and everyone in school somehow gets the kissing disease from none other than Ash Redfern, **_**gross. **_**Ash and Mare go star gazing and she gets to use her sexy frying pan. Oh and everyone is outed as the homosexual they really are. **

**Listening to: I Hate School - Suburban Studs. **

**This chapter isn't even funny. ;_; **

* * *

><p><em>This is formatted like a fucking episode of Hetalio for the amount it jumps about. <em>

"Hey Mare!" Ash had seen her as he entered the corner shop to purchase his cornetto, she was over in the limited kitchen section, feeling the handles to frying pans and gently tapping the actual pans themselves into her palm, she made a pleased noise at the one she had just manhandled, and checked the price, "Whatcha doing?"

"Well I was gonna buy a frying pan to be- you know what, that isn't important. Can't afford one, though."

"Well, I have a spare fiver I could lend you, if you pay me back on Monday."

Her grin was devious as she lightly touched his hair, he didn't know if it was affectionate, and then trailed her fingertips down his arm to grab the crumpled note, "Thanks, Ash." She said sweetly.

"Anytime, babe."

Little did he know he'd just signed his own death warrant.

* * *

><p>"Don't worry, I'll catch you!"<p>

"Jez," Morgead chuckled as he landed next to her, "you couldn't catch a kitten."

She gave him a look, the kind of stare that would peel paint off walls, and then she said dryly, "That, dear, is because I'm allergic."

Suddenly, there was a shout from the other side of the fence, a girl dressed in school uniform stormed towards them, a scowl on her face.

"What're you doing, Morgead? Get back inside or I'll fucking write you up."

All six teenagers froze in place for a second before five of them legged it, Ash stood awkwardly, eating his cornetto. He winked at the woman, and then ran after them down the dark footpath, dropping his cornetto as he went and swearing, because he spent his last five pounds on a potentially lethal weapon to impress Mare and now he was cornetto less.

I'll take this opportunity of them sprinting from attack dogs and the fuzz, also known as a prefect and the Maths teacher that didn't even have a last name, to explain the school uniform to you, because that's fun and the girls uniform is sexy as hell.

At Redfern Academy there's winter wear and summer wear, for girls the summer wear consists of a skirt, navy tights, and either a white polo shirt with the school logo or a various shaded blue and white diamond patterned sleeveless tank top like shirt, along with a blazer (modesty, ladies) The winter uniform was much the same in form of skirt and tights, but was a polo shirt and jumper over the top, both adorned with the school logo. Tie mandatory.

For the boys, the winter uniform was a button up shirt with blue and white striped tie, aforementioned chequered khakis, a blazer with sleeves that could be pinned back, and plain shoes, the school also requests no colourful bras: black, white of navy, please, Ash. The summer uniform is chequered khakis and a polo shirt or button up, no tie required. Fedoras with pink feathers in them were banned (much to James' dismay, and entirely his fault after the show he made at the Halloween party last year) as was crosssdressing (Redfern Academy hates you) and wearing clown makeup or looking like an orange.

Eventually, the prefect and the shouting maths teacher gave up, heading back to hell, I mean the detention block to enjoy some wurst and a cup of tea, like is tradition in godknowswhere, England.

"Will someone lend me three pounds to buy a cornetto?" Ash asked as he stepped over a root; they were on the edges of the towns main park, a place everyone referred to as Maudes. They stepped into the medow and Jez immediately dragged Morgead and herself down upon the path, lying there and moaning as she worked the crick out of her neck – jail break outs were hard work, I swear.

"I would," Val said slyly, "but I need this money to buy supplies."

Jez coughed loudly, fitting the words _vodka _and _alcoholic _into it.

"Do those supplies include medicine for Jez's throat?" Ash asked.

Val flashed his signature shit eating grin, and asked Quinn if he could borrow his iPhone to play taptap, two minutes later the Green Day addon was blasting Warning! And Val was tapping away on insanity like there was no tomorrow. Quinn and Rashel were quietly and affectionately insulting each other and Jez and Morgead seemed to think it would be a genius idea to examine each others mouths with their tongues, _triple gross._

"Ash, you're narrating outloud again," Val said slowly, still concentrating on his game, "you sound like a 14 year old girl."

Jez and Morgead stopped sucking face long enough for Jez to say "when does he not sound like a fourteen year old girl?" and Morgead to say "we should all open a cafe together when we're older or something that's coo-" then they were lost to the world again.

Ash glared at a squirrel on the grass a little way away from himself and wondered how many cough sweets it'd take to kill him.

* * *

><p>"Ash!" Quinn yelled as he pushed the taller boy into the lockers, "What is this?"<p>

It took Ash a second to see what Quinn was in such a panic about, but then he noticed that the boy had his mouth wide open and _holy fuck. _

"You got mono, off who?"

"You, you fucker! Give me my health back! Who knows how many girls I've infected already, the entire school will have goddamn mono in the next two days. How did you even- _Oh my god." _

It was funny how Ash didn't remember making out with Quinn at all in the last two weeks since they'd been in the park, not that he'd done it then, or any time before that, that he could remember.

Ash was suddenly incredibly paranoid about how much tail he actually got and of what kind. Although, come to think of it, his throat did hurt like an absolute bitch and he'd just been swallowing throat sweets like burning, it'd never occurred to him that he had mono, but who did he get it from?

_Bunny. _

Or maybe Val, but unlikely, so, _Bunny. _

"We should go find Bunny," they both said at the same time, and Quinn quickly stepped away from the rather compromising position he'd gotten himself into, because after all, he'd gotten mono off Ash and he didn't want any of his other STD's, so he better keep distance. Also, Ash's sexuality was questionable, and he was desperate and- Quinn shut up you're interrupting the flow of the story.

Turns out Bunny was off sick, _I swear if they legalized prostitution we wouldn't get girls like her any more and I wouldn't have my sexuality in question, _Ash thought, completely unaware that it already was. It also turns out she was actually "Off sick" and couldn't come in because no amount of foundation would cover the pan sized bruises on her legs.

It was at that point that Sir No-Last-Name dragged Quinn and Ash into his class to enjoy some lovely, lovely maths. Mmm, learning.

* * *

><p>A note found later in Ash's pocket.<p>

Dude why's everyone got the plague?

_Ash infected em._

**Quinn stfu, why aren't you sick Morge. **

I ammmmmm.

**Woah, how the f**

_Jez likes to sleep around._

Yep.

** how do you even know that? Don't you care morge? **

_It's either that or we're all closet homosexuals. _

She's too cute to care/

**Morgead: The boy that was whipp**

Ash looked up at the person that'd taken the note, her eyebrows were raised as she scanned over it. The schools head Science teacher, for reasons no one really knew, was a Slavic woman that talked in a thick accent and enjoyed blowing shit up, sunflowers, and working her students into depression. She was also famous for having the biggest breasts in like, the entire universe.

"I'd go with the homosexual thing," she said, loud enough for the class to hear, "judging by the contents of Quinn's computer."

Then she flicked the note into Ash's eye, tapped a nail on his long spindling list of chemical equations - what is this, a maths class? - and said, "Work, Mr Redfern, detention also for you three. Tomorrow lunchtime please."

"Fucking brilliant." Ash muttered.

"Another ten minutes, Redfern!" The teacher sang as she attempted to help a boy that seemed to only want to stare at her tits, "Delos, concentrate please~"

Ash tongued his teeth slowly, a scowl on his face. Fucking. Brilliant.

* * *

><p>Ash loved cornettos, easily the best icecream of them all. The strawberry ones had been his favourite since he was ten and he saw Shaun Of The Dead. As he sat on the roof, alone for once, he found himself slowly working his way through a cornetto and staring at the field-slash-community-park. The trees were devoid of leaves now, and he was beginning to feel the excitement over everyone making halloween preparations - always plan a month ahead. He crossed his legs, zipped up his grey hoodie, and finished the cornetto, shoving the packaging into his jean pocket.<p>

If he looked across, he could see the roof on the opposite side of school where his friends were sat playing poker. They couldn't see him from where he was sat, hidden behind a ventilation obstruction in the dark. And it was better he wasn't there, Ash sucked at poker. There was this one time he was playing strip poker with his unc-

"Ash?"

His head snapped up, surprised that his hide out had been entered, it was difficult to get up here, after all, and you needed a key, which Ash just happened to have.

Mary Lynette apparently also had a key, as she was stood there, shocked, with a key dangling from her fingertips.

"What're you doing here?" She asked him, venom in her tone.

"Public property. What're _you _doing here?"

"Public property."

They smiled at each other and he moved up so she could sit down. She was still in uniform, he noted, probably didn't have time to change before coming out - the moon comes up a hell of a lot earlier in winter, after all.

They were silent whilst she scanned the sky and he scanned his nails.

"Look, Ash, a star, make a wish."

"Mare, that's Saturn."

She scowled at him, "you ruined it."

He chuckled, then they settled back into their comfortable silence. At least, to her it was comfortable, Ash couldn't stop itching and his stomach was doing the strangest back flips for no reason.

"So..." Mary Lynette said eventually, bringing her binoculars down to rest them on her lap, she shifted around so she was facing Ash, "Bunny, huh?"

Ash leant back into the ventilation tube, his head resting uncomfortably against it, "what about it?"

"I'm happy for you, I guess." Mary Lynette said, her eyes wide and her mouth crumpled in a attempt at innocence or something, Ash couldn't quite figure her out, he was never able too, "But, Bunny?"

"Problem, Carter?"

"None at all, Redfern."

The silence stretched on as they watched each other, neither of them giving in and looking away.

"Screw it." She muttered.

Whatever Ash was going to say was cut off by the sensation of his head slamming into the vent tube and the weight on his legs. He opened his eyes just in time to close them when their lips met.

And he was surpringly non resistant, only lightly pressing his knuckles into her inner elbows as she trapped him against the tube and lightly pressed her lips to his, as if testing.

She pulled away, and said with a smile, "Ash, you're so uke."

In compliance, he went bright red, "U-Ukrainian?" then, with a grin, he said, "Hey Mare, do you know why Bunny's off today?"

"erm, no...?"

"She has mono."

Mare's eyes went wide, as did Ash's grin.

Mary Lynette didn't think she'd ever get sick of beating the daylights out of Ash, but on the downside, she had to buy a new frying pan - her's was bent from overuse.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I don't endorse the use of Frying Pans to beat your crush to death, btw. <em>**

**All everyone did this chapter was call each other out on their sexualities and eat cornettos. I see no problem with this. **

**HETALIA. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. THEY'RE NOT AT HETALIA ACADEMY AND THE SCIENCE TEACHER ISN'T UKRAINE NOPE. /In denial over my infringement. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Does anyone want to move to Sealand with me and set up a pirate radiostation? Name: Living Up To The Title, For Once.**

**Summary: Half Term begins and... the crew have nothing to do. So Quinn decides to take matters into his own hands and ask Rashel to go out with him. But this is Gakuen Redfern, so as if it'd ever go right.**

**Warnings: Un Beta'd Writing, Lack of humour, swearing like a bitch, Dove being a sex offender, general filler chapterness. **

* * *

><p>"So I was thinking we should go into the city this week," Ash said, smiling at Bunny as she picked at her woollen tights, "maybe see a film, or something."<p>

She remained silent, looking awkward. She hoisted her bag up and began to rifle through it for nothing in particular. The pair sat by a table in the cafe section of the local shopping market. Bunny was drinking hot chocolate whilst Ash made his way through a tuna sandwich.

"Bun, are you okay? You're being weird."

It was half term, and everyone was out and about in town with their respective groups, not wearing school uniform for once and there was an excited _it's almost Halloween, guys! _Buzz in the air.

"Or," Ash said slowly, "we could just chill out."

Bunny's head snapped up and she said all in one big rush, "Ash, we have to break up. You're really sweet, genuinely, even if everyone seems to think you're some sort of wannabe Casanova with bad taste in food, sucky pick up lines and a lower IQ than a rat, I know you're not like that. But I need to see other people, I'm sorry."

She stood up, grabbed her back, gently pecked him on the cheek and left the cafe section. Ash sat in silence. Surely, people don't date for like, two chapters, right?

He slumped lower into his seat, tuna sandwich abandoned. He stood, grabbing his bag, and counted his change, checked his ipod was charged, and made his way to the train station, waiting the tedious 40 minutes for his train before boarding and sitting down. He tried to avoid paying by hiding behind a disgruntled first year that quickly ratted him out and he ended up having to pay extra.

Fucking first years.

* * *

><p>Quinn shoved his dog eared copy of Black Dawn into his bag, along with his prescription glasses, a spare battery pack and the copy of Deus Ex that Morgead had leant him, among other things – clothes, his course work for Art, ect – and left his room, making sure to lock it and pocket the key. According to a text Ash had sent, he was going back to his home for Half Term, so Quinn could lock up and get the next train across if he still needed somewhere to crash. He also asked Quinn to pick up his English Coursework, which – <em>shit. <em>

Quinn found himself having to wait over an hour because he missed his train due to having to run back and get Ash's course work. _God damn you, Redfern, God damn you to hell._

Once on the train, he found himself cramped between two teenage girls, looked like year eights, that were trying their hardest not to giggle and fawn over the sight of one of the school's elite boys wearing glasses and trying to be immersed in his English work – Analyse and deconstruct the relationship between Laura and her family whilst in a dystopian Britain. Sounded cool in retrospect, but all Laura Brown ever did was bitch about Carbon points, her sister Kim, and Levi.

Quinn shoved his copy of Carbon Diaries back into his bag with disgust, this isn't even on the curriculum, and it wasn't even Dystopian.

He was still continuing his internal monologue when the year eight girls got up and moved. He was gracious for the space for about a second before the seat next to him was once more occupied and he was forced into the corner.

"Hello Quinn."

"Hey Rashel."

The train journey from hell.

* * *

><p>Ash watched the weather change from sunny and cold to a drizzle to full on sideways rain as he travelled further away from the middle of Nowhere to eastern Nowhere, just off the boarder of I'm Wasting My Existence. His hometown was more like a hamlet, a collection of twenty or so houses with a post officespar. Before the age of 14 he went to council-funded schooling, at the secondary the next town over. I say he attended, when in reality he spent the majority of his time isolated or excluded, and his father would come home to find his son on the sofa playing Dead Rising and his mother would awake every few days to missed calls on how her son wasn't at school, or was isolated once more, or had gotten into an argument with a fellow student over something and beaten the poor boy in his fury. This all happened because, at the tender age of 14, Ash was too feminine and foreign for Xenophobic northern England's standards - having come to England from some obscure Slavic country, and having originated in southern England - and when he got any sort of slur thrown his way, or anyone thought it was okay to call him Maurice, he would beat them six ways to Sunday. His parents were at their wits ends, trying to request a move to another town so as to be able to find him a school after he got expelled, finally, for spitting in the head teacher's face, when a solution was found.

Ash could specifically remember standing at the top of the stairs listening to his mother on the phone.  
>"You say you can accommodate for his behavior?"<br>Silence for a moment or two as Ash crept downstairs.  
>"Okay, thank you, I'll tell him."<p>

"Tell me what?" Ash'd asked, standing in the doorway. His mother hung up the phone, put on her brightest smile and said:  
>"Ash, you're going to stay with Uncle Hunter."<p>

They called him Hunter because he used to bring deer corpses home every Christmas when he was in college. The strange thing was that the man was away doing a psychology degree.

After that they shipped him off and he hadn't been home for anything but a day or two in summer for the last three years- they Fed Ex'd his Christmas and birthday presents. Last year he got underwear, Lynx Attract, socks and a contract for his phone for Christmas. A tie and a picture of the cat Jade wanted to send him for his birthday.  
>He just prayed to god they hadn't thrown out his Xbox; he wanted to play Deus Ex.<p>

He hadn't missed the rain.  
>He was just about to hoist his bag over his head to protect it and step out from the train station shelter when he was tapped on the shoulder.<br>"Sucks, doesn't it?" the girl said, putting her umbrella up and shielding both herself and Ash, "where you to, city boy?"

"'Bus stop. And I tend to go by Ash these days."

_Smooth._

The girl raised an eyebrow, "is that even a name?"

"Mhm."

They walked in silence, her apparently escorting him to the bus stop.

"Raven." she said.

"What?"

"It's my name, Raven."

"What kind of name is that?"

She scowled, "Ask my Mom, city boy."

_Americans. _

Ash smirked, tugging his phone from his pocket and rejecting the call.

* * *

><p>Quinn scowled as Ash once more rejected his call.<p>

"Didn't know you were heading this way." Quinn said, turning to Rashel and lightly nibbling on his sexy pen, named as such due to his habit of picking up girls with it, somehow.

"oh I'm not, I couldn't get a train direct to Manchester, it's like a via thing." she looked around the other passengers awkwardly, "didn't know you were coming this way either."

"'Spending half term with Ash."

She gave him a look of sympathy, Ash's little sister Jade was the most annoyingly adorable little girl in the county, having had started at Gakuen Redfern at the beginning of the year, she was already head of the junior drama committee and happily ate her lunch with her older sisters most days.  
>She was also obnoxious and loud and innocently crushing on her sister's friend's brother Mark, a boy a year and a bit older than her.<p>

"Look, Rashel," Quinn began, now or never, "I have to ask you something."

She turned to look at him, her gaze boring into him, "what?" she asked calmly, her gaze intrusive and overall terrifying.

"J-J-Just could you move your hockey stick; it's poking into my ankle."

_Smooth, Quinn, _he chided himself, _smooth. _

She frowned, but didn't comment, instead choosing to stare out at the heavy rain, "Quinn, do you ever ask yourself why the hell you moved to England?"

"No, because I've always lived here."

Her frown intensified and she lightly jabbed him in the leg, "I haven't, and you don't seem like you do either."

"Mum's American, but Dad was English."

"Hunte-"

"He's my step dad, Rashel."

There was an awkward pause as they both looked out the windows and she realized she'd hit a nerve, _quick, Rashel, think. _

"Quinn do you want to go buy Panini's?"

"Erm, what?"

"Panini's, let's go buy them at the next town."

He was still for a moment before a smile spread across his face, she removed the hockey stick from his ankle and they shuffled to face each other slightly better.

"Sure," he said, and she beamed, having saved over her bumble.

"QUINN, OH MY GOD QUINN, YOU'RE GOING TO ASH'S FOR HALF TERM TOO?"

Quinn, upon hearing her voice slid low in his seat and attempted to hide, only to have a smaller girl leap upon him and hug him fiercely. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rashel frown and shift slightly away from them. _Well, shit. _

"Who's this?" Rashel said, warning tone in her voice.

"I'm Dove," the girl flattened herself against Quinn, "his _fiance._"

"He's my step si-"

She pinched his thigh, "He's lying we're in love."

Rashel smirked, "I see. Rain check on that Panini?"

She grabbed her stuff and stood, "This is my stop anyway," she said, "see you around, Quinn."

"No Rashel wai-" she turned around and left, leaving Quinn with his smirking sister, "I hate you," he said slowly, glaring at her, "so much right now, Dove."

"Couldn't let her steal you from me now, could I?"

Fucking first years, indeed.

* * *

><p>"See you around, Ash Redfern." Raven smiled, awkwardly touching his shoulder, "I'll text you?"<p>

"Sounds like a plan," he grinned, "later."

She lazily saluted and began to wander away from the bus station in the direction of Co-Op, Ash watched her leave, running his thumb over the numbers on his arm and the quickly written name there. Raven no last name, so it seems.

"ASH," someone yelled, and Ash looked up, pretty sure he was the only Ash in the area, "What the hell, man?"

Quinn was leaning over him, frowning with his cheeks slightly reddened, "I just had to run five streets over to get away from Dove, _Dove, _you didn't tell me Dove was staying!"

"Dove?" Ash looked confused for a second, before remember who Dove was. Dove was known in the family as the girl at all the Christmas parties and weddings that stayed glued to Quinn all night and fiercely rivaled Jade in annoyingness. Only Dove was a bit more terrifying, and incestual, and-

"Dove?" Ash shot up, "We need to go."

"When's the bus?"

"Now."

"We'll barricade the house when we get back."

"Lock the windows."

"Hide the children."

"Play Deus Ex."

"Eat doritoes."

"Text Raven."

"Who's Raven?"

Ash went red, before pulling Quinn up and shoving him onto the bus and urging the driver to drive like the wind, because a psychopathic adolescent was stalking them. The driver complied, hitting the gas and denying old ladies their boarding. Ash and Quinn settled into their seats and had a man talk about what Quinn should do about Rashel and the rain check on Panini devouring that might lead to something else but probably not because Rashel didn't like him like that or did she oh my _god Ash help me. _

Ash gave him a look of sympathy, clapped him on the back, and said, "do you know what you need? Deus Ex."

"Shut up about frigging Deus Ex!"

* * *

><p><strong>TV: Gok Wan – made in China, this Friday. <strong>

**Me: NO GOK WAN ORIGINATED IN KOREA. KOREA INVENTED GOK WAN.**

**I need to leave the internet and go see real people.**

**Big thankyou to **xXlamia vampressXx, 13SaRaH, Purple Halo, TotallyGaga, x-blackmeadow-x, the night has a thousand eyes, Anonymous, The Mysterious Amy, Sportyno, Jazminka66, Samantha riccio, Academic Games, **and, as always, **xThornyRosex, **for reviewing! You guys keep me going, or something. **

**Reviews determine the amount of beatings Ash gets! **

**My portrayal of Dove = what. **

**It occurred to me that I swear a lot, I actually reread this and took out half of my unnecessary swearing, ahaha oh goshhhhh. **


	6. Chapter 6

**/Resuming regular transmission. **

**Tumblr = taken over my life. This story now has an over-arcing plot consisting of Cornetto themed situations, the end.**

**Warning; Thierry being his original character description and not a tosser that's horribly in love with Hannah. **

**So yeah, Thierry being a bit of an ass. **

**October 2013. **

* * *

><p>There was a busy atmosphere in the train station, a myriad of shouting, laughing and whistles. The Potter fans were sniggering at the suspiciously familiar pillar to their left and weighing up if it was worth a shot. The Whovians were bullying a girl that claimed to be a fan about the usage of a Chameleon Circuit and how exactly you'd go about fixing it. The Hunger Games fangirls were blending in, that is at least until one of them exclaimed "SHUT UP YOU TWO I'M TRYING TO INBREAD" and they all burst out into laugher.<p>

And of course, who can forget the Sherlock fans. Oh god, the Sherlock fans.

In amongst all of this fandom battle that makes up the average English secondary school, Ash stood alone at the tuck shop booth slotted into the space between a coke machine and the toilets. He grabbed his cornetto from the man – _I don't care that it's Autumn _– and began to lean on the coke machine, looking in the crowd for Quinn.

They were going to get off the train together, but Quinn, having bumped into a cute girl from some Luxembourg or something, had left Ash all alone whilst he tried to chat her up and inevitably succeeded.

It seemed that whenever Ash returned to school, he was struck with a horrible sense of penis envy. For the two _glorious _weeks of Half Term the man – boy? Man? – boy had been wonderfully placid and contempt with how single he was. He met up with Raven a few times – swearing to Quinn that it was _seriously platonic shut up I don't like her like that – _and not really worried about anything.

Now he was seeing the crazy ass twihards with their crazy ass boyfriends being crazy and he was just wishing that a girl would coat him in glitter and misquote Bronte to him. Alas, he was doomed to his dignity forever, cast aside to wander the lonely hilltops of the Rus-

"Are you writing emo poetry in your head again?" Jez asked, rapping him on the forehead with her knuckles, "you have that look on your face."

He was about to come back with a brutal and manly response when Morgead grabbed him from behind to pull him into a bear hug and he let out a high pitched shriek.

Next to them, the student council who were exchanging hugs and quickly copying each others half term maths homework looked up. Their leader, Thierry, smirked slightly; the left corner of his mouth flickering up slightly. But that alone was enough to set Ash off.

"Shut up, Thierry." He exclaimed, pushing his way from Morgead's man-hug-thing, "Get that smirk off your face, you fascist."

Thierry just blinked and stepped back, saying, "what?"

"You heard me," Ash stepped up, shook his head slightly from side to side and said, "Bitch."

Thierry just kind of looked at him like he was insane, before finally remarking, "Wow, Ash, I'm surprised you know a word as big as Fascist."

Ash would've violently punched the boy if not for the fact that Thierry was taller, older, stronger, more attractive and had money.

He also practically owned the school populace, everyone was swept up in his prefect asshole-awesomeness.

Maybe Ash and he used to be friends, but Thierry wasn't cool anymore. Or, at least, that's what Ash tells himself when he finds himself stuck hanging out with Galen in Science. Galen, the boy that played Penny in the school's version of Hairspray.

It was a moving rendition.

Also, when Jez asked Thierry if she fell into a coma, would he pull the plug? To this he replied, "if the face of earth depended on it, yeah."

Pure evil, I say.

It was at this moment as Ash was staring blankly down at his melting cornetto that Quinn arrived, accepting the hair ruffles he got from friends and foes alike. A girl offered him her first born child and he told her to save it for anonymous fanfiction writers on LiveJournal.

He finally reached Ash and flicked him on the nose. A short boy whipped out his phone and documented the inevitable grapple, later writing on that he "Saw the cutest gay couple 2day. They deny it but they totally want each other. Pix!"

Anyhow, fangirls aside. It was around eight AM already, and the crowd seemed to have realized that. They en massed themselves through the hamlet that was home to the school, flocking through the gates, finding their dorms, and dumping their bags in their rooms before collapsing onto beds with brittle _oh shit it's starting again _sobs.

As Hunter mass migrated everyone biannually for no reason, Quinn and Ash were bathing in the satisfaction of having a spacious room on the ground floor for once.

"Dibs!" Ash exclaimed, leaping onto the bed crammed into the corner by the large window looking out upon the courtyard. Quinn was already unpacking his things on one of the other two beds in the room.

Wait, two?

Quinn was hooking his SNES up to his portable – _"Did you actually bring any books?" "SNES is more important." _– that it happened. The dorm room door smoothly opened and in strode the one person that Ash had hoped to avoid for the entirety of his six years here.

"_Jeremy_." He snarled.

* * *

><p>The girl looked down at the slip in her hand wairily, before checking the brass plate on the wall once more, and then the slip. The slip held an address and her name, which is Hannah. She straightened her dress once more – down to the knees, prim and proper – and went with the flow of laughing and solemn students into the academy.<p>

Redfern Academy, her parents last hitch attempt of sorting their daughter's _bad habits dear just bad habits _of sleepwalking and being generally off it sorted out, was a large building, one that's probably been briefly described in a previous chapter, and has the geography of Springfield.

"Seperate Redfern Geography Thing," she sniggered to herself, earning a few odd looks and one arms hooking around hers and pulling her to the side, "Huh?"

The girl that was holding desperately onto her was rather short and, unlike the rest of the students, was wearing a clashing scarf and a cape, "You're a Troper too?" She asked, sounding bouncy, "Poppy North, Hufflepuff."

"I'm Hannah," Hannah stared wide eyed at the girl, "Hufflepuff?"

"Yeah dude I'm a wizard, you're new, right?"

"How did you-?"

"Oh, Thierry knows these things, and I hear them from him, I'm the welcome committee!"

"Thanks but, why Hufflepuff?"

"Because it's the best!" She looked offended and then sniffed, "I didn't choose it, anyway."

"Sorting hat?"

"Yep."

"That's a bitch, what did you want to get?"

"Not that bothered, to be honest," Hannah was being led into the administrator office, "You get your map here, go find Thierry I think he's in the back, haha."

Then Poppy was gone, and Hannah was left wondering who Thierry was to deserve so much admiration in her new friends voice.

She swallowed, asked the receptionist where Thierry was, and then shakily made her way to the room proudly entitled _Student Affairs. _

"Mr Thierry sir?" Hannah knocked, entering to see a man facing away from her, he was rather short to be a full grown man, actually, but- "I'm new and I was sent here to.." She trailed off as he turned around.

"Hm? Oh, Hannah!"

Damn, he was attractive.

* * *

><p><strong>SIDE. PLOTS. REFERENCES. YES. <strong>

**Next chapter! **

**Ash and Jeremy battle it out, and suddenly Ash is a cat, there is plot progression, Jez gets up to her usual, PLOT PROGRESSION, and Ash apologizes for the lateness of his Maths homework via a creative interpretive dance on Piscine triangles.**

**Also, Sherlock. **

**Sorry this is short, it's late and I didn't want to overwhelm, so I just set up the chapter and decided to upload the rest another time. Yay! **


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